Only You Can Save Mike Hull

Help! SOS! What was the safe word?!

I've been kidnapped by the Mac Welch Upright Citizen's Brigade Longevity Fund, and it's not going well.

They made a video to show how serious it is...



As you can see, this is no joke. He nearly rubbed his balls on me in the video, what do you think he's willing to do when the camera is off? He keeps comparing tea-bagging to water boarding and mumbling something about Donald Rumsfeld standing all day. I'm scared, but mostly for my dignity.

SO, in order to meet the terrorist Kabob Fadofol's demands, I'm sending this video out to my family and friends, in hopes that we can collectively come up with $375 to buy my freedom. That's the cost of the next Upright Citizen's Brigade class Mac wants to take, and clearly he's willing to risk me to get it.

$5, $10, $20, whatever you can afford to send along would be great. Anything to keep this guy's nads off my arm.

Right now they've got me holed up in their evil mastermind terrorist lair, so the most efficient means of getting me out is to send it directly here:

Mac Welch
78 Court House Pl
Jersey City, NJ 07306

It's a cunningly designed series of caves in the no-man's land on the border between New York & New Jersey, manned by people whose ancestors have roamed these hills for millennium. You couldn't find us if you tried. Just send the money. It will be easier.

Hoping I make it out alive,

Yours,

Mike Hull
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